Three guys, a Polish guy, a Jewish guy and an Italian guy sign up for
the police academy.  The Jewish guy goes in first and the Captain says
to him, "We have to ask you one question before we admit you in to the
academy, Who killed Jesus?"
The Jewish guy says "The Romans did it."
The Captain says, "Right, you're admitted."
The Italian guy goes in next.  The Captain asks him the same thing.
"We have to ask you one question first before you're admitted to the
Police Academy. Who killed Jesus?"
The Italian guy says "The Romans did it."
The Captain says, "Right,  you're admitted."
The Polish guy goes in and the Captain repeats the question.  The Polish
guy says "Gee, I don't know."  The Captain tells him to go home and
think about it for a week and come back and tell him.
The Polish guy goes home and his wife asked him how his first day went
at the academy, and he says to her, "You won't believe it!  My first day
on the job and they assigned me to a murder case!"

A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was
crossing the road.  The driver went to the owner of the calf and
explained what had happened.  He then asked what the animal
was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher.  "But in six years it
would have been worth $900.  So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the
farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900.  It's postdated six years
from now.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
   WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
   TEACHER: What sign?
   WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your 
   maths sums  on the floor?
   CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula 
   for water?
   SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
   TEACHER: What are you talking about?
   SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

 TEACHER: George, go to the map and 
   find North America.
   GEORGE: Here it is!
   TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
   CLASS: George!

At a church school gathering, one little 
old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and 
asked her where she got her good looks.  "I musta 
got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, 
"'cause   Mommy's still got hers."

True Stories Of Stupid Criminals
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running
a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.  Instead
of pulling the front panel off the machine though, they pulled the
bumper off their truck.  Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine...with their bumper still
attached to the chain...with their vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper.

 SYLVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
    FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
    SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.